Tuesday, April 22

Scheduled downtime

Easter vacation is finally upon us in the Orthodox world and one of my best friends is getting married in a few days in my hometown. So these add up to a good excuse for me to visit that hellhole. I'm not exactly thrilled about it, and I'm not sure how long I'll stay, since I'm supposed to join the army on May 12. We'll see how it goes.

As a parting gift, here's a leaked trailer from the new X-Files movie, though I wouldn't be surprised if it's pulled off YouTube in a few hours.




TL;DR version:

Cookies.

Monday, April 21

Stop the press! Edgeworth is back!

Miles Edgeworth that is. If the name still doesn't ring a bell, I feel sorry for you since it means you've missed out on the Ace Attorney series of games. You can't really see me right now, but this is me mocking you. Ner ner!

The Ace Attorney series is arguably one of the best adventure game franchises in recent years, and the games themselves are without a doubt the best adventure games on the Nintendo DS. Excellent dialogs, great balance between comedy and drama, clever gameplay, I've been through it before.

(Ner ner!)

What came as a surprise to me is the fact that Capcom is going to release a new spin-off based on the series, starring none other than everyone's favorite Prosecutor/Antagonist/All-around Badass, Miles Edgeworth. Since Edgeworth is one of my favorite characters in the series/genre, I'm personally thrilled.

(Ner ne... all right, I'll drop it.)

The game itself looks to be different from the main Ace Attorney franchise as these screenshots from Famitsu show, since it will be sporting a third-person camera, and perhaps even two playable characters? At least that's what I get from seeing Detective Gumshoe follow Edgeworth around, and his "Objection!" screenshot.

Apparently, there won't be any courtroom scenes in this game this time around, which is kind of a bummer, but I guess a little change is always good. Not to mention that it needs to differentiate itself from the previous games, which were all about the courtroom drama.

There's also a short trailer available, and while it doesn't really show much, it's enough to hype people up. I really love the art in this game so far.



Looks like a lot of characters from previous games are making a comeback, yay for Franziska!


TL;DR version:

Release Ace Attorney 3 and 4 in PAL-land, Capcom, please. Willing to grovel. Thanks.

Sunday, April 20

Things that blow your mind

I came across a thread in the NeoGAF forums today that's been around for a while, with the subject of things that blow your mind. Several really do live up to their name, for example this picture, or perhaps this one (not a .gif!) or rather this one that is guaranteed to make you feel like a small, insignificant gnat.

Or better yet, the fact that Hugh Laurie, the guy playing Greg House in House M.D., played the role of the father in the Stewart Little movies. I said "what the fuck."

But then I tried the beer I picked up at a local place yesterday. It's called Timmermans and it's cherry-flavored.



"But cherry is for sissies!" I can hear some dickbags shout already. Fuck right off, is my response.

Yes, cherry flavor is not the first thing I associate beer with, but damn. This thing tastes like cough syrup, you know, the kind you had as a kid, the one that tasted so damn delicious you had to pretend you were sick so you could drink some more. Only this baby also has alcohol, which makes it even better by default.

In fact, it's the combination of these two that make this beer a strong candidate for the Best Thing Ever award. My lone cause for concern is the fact that, due to its sweetness, this drink is deceptively strong, and you tend to drink it rather fast so it gets to you even faster. Of course, this is not necessarily a bad thing, so you know.

TL;DR version:

Laugh at George as he gets a bit tipsy on a single bottle of beer, but don't neglect to try this beer for yourselves. Seriously. I'm not even using italics, that's how serious I am right now.

Friday, April 18

A Siren, of the Forbidden kind

Forbidden Siren was a 2003 PS2 survival horror game created by a subsidiary of Sony, made up from -amongst others- former Silent Hill employees. As such, it sported a fantastic atmosphere, an engaging storyline, and lots of scary moments. However, the gameplay itself was somewhat lacking. Still, it was a radically different entry in the genre of survival horror, which had by that time already begun to feel really stale.

The game emphasized mostly on avoiding confrontations with enemies altogether, rather than killing them. In fact, enemies could not be killed at all, which was a genre first I believe. Of course there were certain unkillable enemies before, such as the Nemesis or Pyramid Head*, but this time you couldn't even kill Zombie Joe Average. This made for more intense sequences of stealth, frenzied attempts at running and hiding from the shibito, but they were perhaps a bit too intense.

Having the constant fear that your enemies will eventually rise up and hunt you again, even after bludgeoning them for the 50th time, knowing that there's no real safe place to hide from them as they can also open doors and effectively seek you out wherever you be... It certainly makes for a more frightening experience, but it's not really fun. And while it could be argued that Silent Hill 2 wasn't exactly all about the fun either, there was some form of entertainment to be had there, perverse though it may have been. This wasn't the case with Forbidden Siren, however, on the contrary it was more of an annoyance than anything. Not to mention that a whole village made of unkillable entities required a far deeper suspension of disbelief than I was willing to indulge myself in.

A sequel was eventually released, and though it addressed many of the flaws of the first game, it didn't really sell that well. Which was a shame, but what can you do?

On the brighter side of things, Sony is preparing a remake of the first game for the Playstation 3, which hopefully will also address the flaws of the original version. Its name will be Siren: New Translation and while that's not the catchiest name ever, I'll have to repeat my point from my last post, it's just a name.

Judging from the first trailer, they certainly got the scares right... I think this is easily the spookiest game trailer I've seen so far. Hopefully the finished game will be just as mind-fuckingly scary.



TL;DR version:

George gets scared by a simple trailer of a videogame and cries like a little bitch. Siren: New Translation is a name worthy of yet another translation but what can you do. In the meantime, George decides to kill some demon fools in Viking: Battle for Asgard so he can feel like a man again. Italics.

* Yes, both were eventually killed in their respective games, but not before the very end, before which they always came back to... well you can't really call it life, but you catch my drift.

Thursday, April 17

The Truth Will Be Out There, soon

The official title for the upcoming, second, X-Files movie has been revealed. Its name? "I Want to Believe"

Truth be told, it does sound a bit corny. But as a long-time uh... X-Phile (first time I've ever used that term, I swear), I like it. It's one of the key phrases used in the series, it's almost catchy, and it just feels right for an X-Files movie. Not to mention that it's just a damn title, and most titles suck to begin with. Attack of the Clones, Sanity's Requiem, The Forbidden Kingdom, hell even Fight the Future, which sounds almost as bad as "war on terror."

Though X-Files: Cultural Learnings of Aliens For Make Benefit Glorious Planet of Earth does have a certain ring to it.

Also, never forget, bitches:


The name is fine.

TL;DR version:

New X-Files movie has a slightly less-than-common name, but at the end of the day it's a new X-Files movie. Stop doubting, start believing.

Tuesday, April 15

Internet neutrality

I'll be the first to admit I'm not too fond of CEO's. For no real reason in particular, really. Perhaps I was sexually molested by one of them in a previous life, I dunno.

When a dude like the new CEO of Virgin Media makes a comment such as "net neutrality is a load of bollocks" then I'm not likely to change my opinion any time soon, at least as far as this guy is concerned. It gets better, as they "claimed they're already doing deals to deliver some people’s content faster than others. They would then put websites and services that don't pay Virgin in the "slow lane", meaning those sites would load slowly and cause most users to give up using them, feeling forced to use whatever Virgin wants to push through their network."

For more, including a rarely seen serious video from patently-unfunny Internet pseudo-celeb Athéne, visit this website. As you may have gathered, I don't particularly like Athéne either, but this time he and his gang are right. If anything, I respect him more after this.

Obviously, given that this is more of a U.K. issue this doesn't affect me on a personal level (for the time being, at least) but that's some Orwellian shit right there. Even if this has to do simply with a U.K ISP for the time being, who's to say that more companies won't adopt this policy in the not-so-distant future?

TL;DR version:

People suck, and Virgin CEO's even more so. Big Brother says "Hi!" George is being cryptic, but still wants a PS3.

No Italics were used in this post. Must be a first.

Monday, April 14

Oblivious

I've been playing Oblivion lately on my 360 (as you may have noticed if you paid a visit to my 360 Voice Blog, an utterly silly but somewhat amusing thingymagig) after hearing a myriad things about it, ranging from lavish praise to accusations of being the worst game ever.

The truth for me, shockingly, is somewhere in-between. It's definitely a highly accomplished game from a technical point of view, especially given its age. It sports a gameworld that is absolutely huge, there's a bazillion of quests to be finished, and some of them don't even suck! Especially the Thief Guild/Dark Brotherhood ones. Though the selling point for most people was the fact that it feels like an offline MMORPG, by offering a huge world that you're free to explore, without having any Alliance/Horde douchebags dance on your corpse every five seconds.

Yet at the same point, that's also its biggest failing. It shares a lot of the most common tedious aspects of an MMORPG, namely myriads of NPC's that lack any sort of personality, a storyline that has no real depth, repetitive locations (honestly, if you've seen one cave in this game, you've seen them all) and objectives, not to mention that the gameplay can be a little grindy. Grinding which of course is as fun as shoving diamond-tipped forks in your eyes.

However, quite amusingly, Oblivion's biggest failing is what has been called its biggest success. It's an offline MMORPG, without any other real people than yourself. And it's this lack of fellow people that, in my eyes at least, hurts the game more than its peculiar leveling system or its repetitive nature.

Y'see, people (myself included) are usually pretty quick to overlook said repetitiveness in MMOG's when they have other people to speak about the game and its failings, ask for hints or just plain boast and show off to. Because, let's face it, the most important part in any RPG is to make your character so badass and pimp that you can brag about it to your friends, be they real-life or otherwise.

But killing the same wolves/boars/brigands over and over, with the only reward being some ugly-looking piece of armor that you can't even show to a friend in the middle of Shattrath? That's just not right.

I do not mean to say that Oblivion is a bad game. Naw, that'd be too harsh. There is some fun to be had here, but to me it feels too much like the typical Western RPG with clanky PC-style combat. Not that I mind Western RPG's, I actually like the ability to shape my own character -usually by stealing everything and being a prick to everybody. Or at least the people I (arbitrarily) decide not to like. In contrast, the completely linear nature and narrative of Japanese RPG's is something I can't stomach anymore.

The only real problem I have with this kind of games (long sentence ahead, take a deep breath), and especially massively open-ended ones like Oblivion, is that since there are so many things one can do and steal, I find myself playing them for such lengthy sessions at a time that they leave me with a feeling of self-discontent for spending so much time on a game by the time they end. Which is also why I rarely play these games, I guess.

I'm rapidly reaching Mental Diarrhea territory at this point, so I'll stop here before the smell becomes overwhelming. Until tomorrow*, then.

TL;DR version:

George tries a 2-year old Massively Singleplayer Offline Roleplaying Game, gets addicted for a short while, feels guilty for not spending all that time on Geometry Wars instead. Hey, high scores don't make themselves, you know!

*Tomorrow in this context meaning "any time in the following 300 years."

Wednesday, April 9

The World Needs Only One Big Boss!

I have a horrendous headache today, so this'll be another one of those short posts.

I stumbled upon the following video while searching for the new song from Metal Gear Solid 4, Calling to the Night, and it's one of those "Orchestras meet gaming themes" kind of thing, which is really not my cup of tea. Most of the times, the music comes of as too pompous and tacky, and sometimes the music itself is not orchestra material. Super Mario Brothers, really?

However, in the case of the Metal Gear Solid theme, it really does work. I'd say it's the perfect way to hype yourself for the upcoming release of MGS4 if you wish to remain completely spoiler-free, aside from playing the previous games again of course. Which is a thought that has crossed my mind more than once these past few days, but I'm too lazy to bring my Playstation 2 back from retirement, and Twin Snakes on the Gamecube can be a bitch.

Oh well. Enjoy the video:



TL;DR version:

George wants a Playstation 3. Donations at the usual address.

Tuesday, April 8

Rejoice, ye faithfu... hey, wait a second.

The rumor has been going on for about a week. Rock Band will finally be released in Europe on May 23, though only for the Xbox360 at first, with a subsequent PS3 release in late Summer/early Autumn.

Earlier today, IGN reported that this is indeed the case. Being the happy owner of a X360, I was thinking to myself, "Haha, suckers!" To make things even better, and to make up for the huge delay, Rock Band EU will feature the following exclusive songs:

English
  • "Beetlebum" by Blur
  • "Rock 'n' Roll Star" by Oasis
  • "Monsoon" by Tokio Hotel
  • "Hysteria" by Muse

German
  • "Hier Kommt Alex" by Die Toten Hosen
  • "Perfekte Welle" by Juli
  • "Countdown to Insanity" by H-Block X

French
  • "Manu Chao" by Les Wampas
  • "New Wave" by Playmo

When I first laid eyes on the list, I could only see one thing:

- "Monsoon" by Tokio Hotel

- "Monsoon" by Tokio Hotel

- "Monsoon" by Tokio Hotel

WHAT.

GET THAT SHIT OUT OF HERE.

It almost ruined the game for me. Then I saw this:

-----> "Hysteria" by Muse <-----

And I felt better again. Little did I know that things would get much worse...

You see, despite the fact that the Euro has been gaining over the Dollar for a while now, games are still more expensive over here, and best case scenario is that there will be a 1:1 Euro/Dollar ratio when it comes to game prices.

However, in this case EA decided to keep a 1:1 English Pound/Dollar ratio. So that means that Rock Band European Edition will cost one hundred and eighty pounds. That translates to two hundred and fourty Euros, or three hundred and fifty three Dollars. Two hundred and fourty fucking Euros. For a game. Regardless of its undoubtedly great quality, that price is simply insane.

Hell, I'd buy a Wii with that money.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say that whoever buys the game at this price is a complete dumbass, as they're giving EA a carte blanche to price their future games whatever the fuck they want, since we'll still buy them.

I'm a self-proclaimed sheep, I own both the regular and the special editions of the LotR DVD's for example, but even I'm not that big an idiot.

TL;DR version:

EA reveals launch day (May 23) for the European version of Rock Band, with the pricetag being a pound of your flesh, a litre of your blood or half your immortal soul. George cries, curses anyone and everyone that would buy it at that price, loses faith in everything.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Ολοι θέλουν να επιστρέψουν στη φύση. Απλά κανείς δε θέλει να πάει με τα πόδια.

Monday, April 7

Help make the world a better place

As of today I'm adding a tl;dr segment to all my posts, regardless of length.

I'm not sure how many people in the world are familiar with a certain German director called Uwe Boll. He is responsible for some of the most unintentionally hilarious, comically amateurish, downright awful movies in the history of the multiverse. It should be noted that most of his movies so far have been based on videogame franchises, though none of them were what we call triple-A quality titles. His credits include House of the Dead, BloodRayne and the only movie to ever make me lose my appetite, Alone in the Dark. AitD was so depressingly bad, I couldn't find the will to speak, or even eat, while watching it. And as anyone who knows me will testify, there's precious few things that can make me lose my appetite.

As with most bad things, there's always some who will suggest that his movies are so bad that they're actually good, some weird sort of odd comical masterpieces. On that specific subject, I say bullshit. I'll admit I giggled at the train wreck that was House of the Dead, and during the first few moments of BloodRayne I thought the movie could be something of a dark, guilty pleasure, but it, along with the rest of his movies are just plain bad. Not good bad, Jesus-Christ-I-can-feel-my-brain-rotting-away bad. And there's so many of them!

It was funny the first time around, when House of the Dead was first released on the unsuspecting world, but the joke has gotten old now. In a sense, it was worth watching HotD just to see just how bad a movie can get, but with every consecutive movie it's becoming painfully obvious; Uwe Boll movies aren't worth watching, even if it's just for shits and giggles. It's like those jokes that people feel the need to continue on making, even though somebody killed it several minutes ago. Perhaps a 30 minutes long fart joke, if you will.

Not to mention that it seems like Uwe Boll himself is a colossal jackass. Back in 2006 he staged the "Raging Boll" event, where he, former light-weight boxer, could take on people who criticized his movies, i.e skinny Internet geeks. Naturally, it takes balls of steel to kick the living shit out of scrawny teenagers* but that wasn't the whole story. Boll was offered an actual fight by another former boxer, and creator of the Broken Saints series, Brooke Burgess, and the way he reacted to that, well... You should read the whole story as offered by Burgess himself in his blog, the article is called Raging Dickhead.

Now that you have a good idea of who we're talking about, let's get to the point. As mentioned in this article, Boll has claimed that he will quit making movies if one million people tell him to stop. Unsurprisingly, there's already an online petition about this, with a 5-digit number of signatures already. I have to confess I don't believe that Boll will go through with this, even if the petition reaches one million signatures, which in itself is also unlikely. I also hate online petitions, as I've probably mentioned in the past. But hey, this is a good cause, so get to it!

Also unsurprisingly, a number of Uwe Boll apologists have appeared throughout the Interwebs, claiming that if people don't like his movies they can just not watch them, and also that this is just gamers getting their panties up in a bunch because they're afraid that Boll will "discredit" their favorite medium. First of all, the "if you don't like it, don't bother with it" argument is as old as the counter-argument "the only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good people to do nothing" and both are equally shitty, so that's all I'm going to say on that one. As for fears of Boll discrediting games through his movies, that is completely unfounded. Not only because games and movies based on them are different entities, but more importantly, most movies based on videogames are already complete turds, regardless of whom they've been directed by.

It does seem that Boll has his own sort of fun while directing these atrocities of his, so I am not going to suggest he should stop making movies altogether, I'm not that mean. However, instead of finding inventive ways to fund his movies and luring good actors and actresses in them, effectively staining their names for all eternity, he should do what all other talentless amateurs do: Gather a bunch of friends, find a handycam and post the results on YouTube. He could even become a cult icon in that cesspool of humanity. Everyone's happy.

(Unless he becomes such a cult hit that he goes back to making movies. I doubt the world is that cruel, though.)

TL;DR version:

Douchebag German director says he'll stop making his shitty movies if enough people tell him to do so. Help prove that humanity isn't beyond redemption by signing this petition.

* That is to say, I don't condone the level of abuse some people have given Boll, which borderlines on stalking. I do think he needs to stop making movies though.

Sunday, April 6

What

Going through one of those moods again, so for today I'll post one video I haven't even seen yet as a statement of sorts.

Wednesday, April 2

[Greek] Ένα κλασσικό βίντεο

Βαρεμάρα ατελείωτη αυτές τις μέρες, τόσο πολύ που γράφω κάτι στα ελληνικά μετά από μήνες! Και το θέμα; O all-time classic (πρώην;) αντιπρόεδρος της Π.Α.Ε. Εδεσσαικός, Θωμάς Μάτσιος, σε όλο του το μεγαλείο:



Ναι, όλοι έχουν τρακ μπροστά στην κάμερα, και όλοι χάνουν τα λόγια τους μερικές φορές, αλλά ο Μάτσιος δίνει απλά ρεσιτάλ.