[WTF Monday] Oh Konami, where art thou?

I swear, if Konami were an actual person instead of a gaming company, right now I'd be thinking that somebody had kidnapped and replaced him with his evil alien cross-dressing clone.

What's the reason behind such a colorful remark, you ask? Quite simply, the fact that they've apparently decided to create a Castlevania fighting game (via Kotaku.com).

It was a real Death-Star-Destroying-Alderaan moment, as countless fans of the series held their collective breaths when heard that Konami would make a new Castlevania game for the home consoles... only to learn that it's not an arcade-adventure-RPG-platformer like the previous iterations, but rather a game in a genre that Konami hasn't touched in more than a decade. And that was probably a good thing.

Hell, I'd go as far as saying that Konami has only made two good fighters. Yi Ar Kung Fu, which came out more than 20 years ago and is not playable any longer (seriously, get over it), and this little gem:

This reminds me, I need to get a copy of this game again.

But I digress. On to the offender in this case, Castlevania: Judgement being its name, and the Nintendo Wii will be its home, if it ever gets one. The ugly little mutt. Truth be told, we don't know enough about the game yet to pass judgement on it, but... The whole thing reeks of Masters of Teras Kasi...ty. I'm not sure what's up with that pun.

At any rate, it feels like the exact same thing as MoTK. A half-assed attempt at milking a franchise, rather than trying something genuinely different. And to make matters worse, at least Star Wars: MoTK came out at a time when 3D fighters were still big in the market. Nowadays, people have moved on and the genre has lost its mainstream popularity, which is another reason why this move makes little to no sense. It's as if Namco decided to release a Tekken Point n' Click adventure. A good franchise and a good genre don't always make for a good combination.

Whatever Konami apologists will tell you, such a move does not promote progress or trying out new ideas. If the company was so sure they had a good fighting game engine in their hands, why not try out a new IP, instead of wrapping it around Castlevania characters*? It's not about making progress, it's about being lazy.

And speaking of lazy, you've probably heard already about Diablo 3. Not the most surprising of announcements, to be sure, but at least it was one that pleased all fans of the series. Undoubtedly, people are preparing their spreadsheets already in sheer glee. Me, that's not my cup of tea. I liked the original Diablo way back when, but I was a teenager back then, and much more impressionable, especially when it came to things that were gritty, dark and violent. I openly confess to playing Diablo 2 simply for the story, graphics but mostly those jaw-dropping cinematics. The game was... eh, but oh my gods, those cinematics were amazing.

I predict I'll play the same game for the exact same reasons, provided that my PC will be able to run it. I'm sure a lot of people will go nuts over its hack n'slash gameplay, and obsess over its items and whatnot, but I really can't bring myself to care about those things anymore.

Can't really blame Blizzard for giving people what they want, though. People have been bitching forever... I mean wishing that this game would be eventually released, so it's a win-win situation. The fans get what they want, D3, and Blizzard execs get what they want, i.e. huge piles of money.

Now if only somebody would think of what us disaffected and picky elitists want, we would finally get our Lost Vikings sequel on the Nintendo DS. One can only hope.

Until we get that, feel free to drool over D3's cinematic teaser, it's worth every drop of saliva:



I wanted to write a mini-review of Alone in the Dark, but this post is already too long. Something for next week, I guess.

* I refuse to mention the parallels with the Smash Bros franchise, since that's a discussion I don't want to get into.

TL;DR version:

Konami execs seem to have gone batshit insane, while the ones at Blizzard seem to be right on the money. Literally.

(Ha, ha. I doth slay me.)

Seriously though. The Lost Vikings DS. The Lost Vikings Touch. The Lost Vikings Whatever. Make it happen!

[TV Saturday] Boston Legal

Not a lot of TV-related news this week (aside from a god-awful teaser for the third season of Heroes with which I won't bother), so I thought this was a good opportunity to post a Boston Legal video.

Boston Legal, a spin-off of The Practice, is a dramedy that premiered in 2004 and follows the lives of Alan Shore, Denny Crane and their co-workers at the law firm Crane, Poole and Schmidt, most of which are characters that first appeared in The Practice. The series emphasizes both on the court action, with several wacky cases in a lot of episodes, as well as the personal lives of the lawyers from Crane, Poole and Schmidt, and their interaction with each other.

I only started watching this show about three months ago, and I haven't even finished the second season yet, but so far I really like it. It has several rather obvious flaws, for example the supporting cast is largely forgettable and they don't tend to stick around for too long, the resolution of several cases is highly improbable, and several of the characters are very inconsistent as far as their morality is concerned. Even for lawyers. Hurr, hurr.

The heart of the show, however, is its two male protagonists, Alan Shore and Denny Crane, portrayed by James Spader and William "Cpt. Kirk" Shatner respectively. It's the relationship of these two remarkable yet also incredibly quirky men that makes the show so interesting to watch. From Crane scolding Shore for being a Democrat, to Shore bailing Crane from yet another of his fuck-ups, the bond between the two is really strong, and most importantly, it feels real. I'd go as far as to say that it's one of the best portrayals of male friendship I've seen in several years in a TV show.

It's not always as serious as the above paragraph may have you thinking, however. In fact, I'd say that the show is first and foremost a comedy, despite the fact that there are several "serious" moments in every episode.

Not to mention that I never thought I'd end up respecting, and even liking, William Shatner as an actor. He might be impersonating, well, himself (I wouldn't know, but that's my best guess) but he really does an astonishing job at bringing the character of Denny Crane to life. Surprisingly, he's at his best whenever Denny stops acting like an (adorable) asshat, and instead reflects on his life and what he has become. I really wasn't expecting such a performance from Shatner, but life is full of surprises, I guess.

Instead of an epilogue, I'll end this post with a video (now this shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone). Sadly, I couldn't find a better Alan/Denny video, as this one is a bit tacky. But I guess it's not bad either.



TL;DR version:

"Denny Crane."

[Machinima Friday] In For A Penny

While I haven't played World of Warcraft in about five months (my name is George and I'm OKAY), I'm still following the machinima scene. There's several projects that are worth watching even if you're not in the game, even though several just dissolve into Manowar-style epiccy bullshit, like Tales of the Past and such.

(Oh, I went there.)

You see, I much prefer the comedy machinimas, as well as the completety trippy ones like this one. The one I'm presenting today, In For A Penny falls in neither category, but it's an attempt at a noir film using the WoW engine, and for that reason alone I have to recommend it. That, and the first part has a Tori Amos song in it.

Personal biases aside, In For A Penny is a really well-made machinima. The editing, atmosphere and voice-acting are all of very high quality, and the story is quite interesting as well, so far. Keep in mind that this is all the work of just one person, which makes the result all the more commendable, if you ask me.

Having a machinima which emphasises on atmosphere and story-telling over action and "RAGH!" yowls is a refreshing change after all those testosterone-filled, overly melodramatic nonsense that came out for a while. It doesn't come as a big surprise, then, that In For A Penny was created by a woman. Under the alias Selserene, she's the person behind this series and you can find her blog here, along with her other work besides the IFAP series. Her slogan, "Turning Blood Elves Straight Since 2008" cracks me up every time.

Now that I'm done ranting though, let's get on the videos themselves. The first part is a prologue, and features no voice acting, but it has a fantastic atmosphere. Selserene's description is as follows:

"When a young blonde stumbles into the wrong room at a seedy nightclub, her panic leads her to escape into a world not her own."


IFAP-720.divx

(Full Warcraft Movies page, including download link, here)

The second video, entitled "On All Eight" has voice acting for all characters (and that Tori Amos song I mentioned above) and is the real start of the story. Which makes sense, what with being Part 1 and all. Aaanyway, on to Selserene's description again:

"In For A Penny- Part 1 ‘On All Eight’” picks up where IFAP: Prologue leaves off. It is the first of a multi-part series which follows Thayle – a man falsely convicted, a fugitive from the law, a gambler who places his bet on the woman who holds the key to both his freedom, and perhaps his heart."


IFAP1-HQ-16x9-sub.mp4

(Full Warcraft Movies page, including download link, here)

TL;DR version:

In For A Penny is a noir machinima with Blood Elves. Go watch it already.

Also, make sure to dissuade me from buying Wrath of the Lich King, whenever it eventually comes out.

[Headache Thursday] So like, Euro 08 and stuff.

My head is killing me today, so this post will be really short.

Basically, I think that this year's Euro 08 championship has been alright, but nothing special. Yet most others seem to disagree and think that it's the best competition in years. It's definitely better than any of the recent World Cups I've seen, but eh, I'm not feeling it.

Last night's match was a good one, the first semifinal: Germany Vs. Turkey. I was kind of hoping Turkey would win so all the nationalistic pricks in this country would go crazy, but that striker dude Turkey had was so damn obnoxious with his "Shh" celebration after every goal he scored. Don't ruin the move, ass.

Plus the Turks, who have been pulling crazy comeback after crazy comeback in this tournament, made the mistake of scoring first. You just don't do that against the Germans, they're the people that invented the comeback.

As for the second semifinal, Russia Vs. Spain, it's currently on the 60th minute and Spain is up 1-0. Boring game so far, which is a shame because you'd expect more from two teams that are so good offensively.

*Update* So the score is 3-0 now, damn, the Spaniards bitchslapped the Russians again. I wasn't expecting that.

If Spain goes through, I'm willing to bet a lot of money that they'll choke hard against Germany. It sucks, since I don't like the German team, but I guess the old saying is true:

"Football is a simple game; 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans win."
Gary Lineker

TL;DR version:

Score, you damn Russians. (so much for that)

[Book Wednesday] A Preorder of Dragons

My puns keep getting worse. Way worse.

According to an article from Publisher's Weekly (via Tower of the Hand and Westeros.org), the upcoming new entry in George R.R. Martin's series A Song of Ice and Fire, entitled A Dance With Dragons, is planned to have an initial print of 350,000 copies. Not a small amount to be sure, and apparently an increase over the previous entry, A Feast for Crows.

This is very interesting, as it shows that people still have a great interest in ASOIAF despite the general concencous clearly naming AFFC as the weakest entry in the series so far, and the numberous delays for ADWD, which was originally planned to be released in 2006.

The lack of a definitive release date is a bit troubling, especially given that GRRM still hasn't finished the book, but hey, patience is a virtue of the few, as they say. Plus I can't hold a grudge against the guy for wanting to live a little. Nobody should work when they're practically on vacation.

Next Wednesday will probably be the day when I'll finally post that article on the new volume of Thor, hopefully I'll have finished my comics backlog by then.

TL;DR version:

There won't be any dragons dancing any time in the near future, but when they do, it's gonna be a fucking party. Also, never forget that good things come to those who wait. Now if only good things came to the people that avoid reading spoiler chapters, then I'd be all set.

[Indie-gaming Tuesday] Limbo of the Lost (LoL)

Never before has the abbreviation "LoL" worked on so many levels.

I'm certain that the Internet-savvy among you have already heard about Limbo of the Lost, the game that so blatantly copied its graphics from about half a billion games. Seriously, they're so many that people have made a Wiki where they collect all the games Limbo of the Lost stole from.

I won't detail the whole story behind this game since the wiki does a really good job at it, but here's the gist of it: The game was "created" by Majestic studios, which is basically comprised of three people in their mid-to-late 30's from Kent, England, with their (now defunct) official site being a Geocities account. Wait, it gets better.

These three have been apparently been working on the game since the early 90's, since there's even a handful of screenshots from an Amiga version around. Which I find highly amusing, as those screenshots, and especially the main character, have nothing to do with the released version of the game on PC's. If anything, this raises the question if these people were indeed working on the game, or just waiting for more sources to steal from. I'm mentioning this especially since the current version of the main character looks exactly like Edward Norton's character from The Illusionist, a movie that's only a couple of years old.


As for the old version of the protagonist (seen here), I could swear I've seen him before, even though I can't quite say where exactly. I want to say I've seen him in Shadow of the Comet, but I know that's not right. I also feel like he was some sort of native American in the game where he originated from, but again I'm not too sure about that. In the off-chance that I'm wrong and he's an original creation, well, mea culpa.


(credit for this picture: Xabora from NeoGAF)

To make matters worse, the actual game is, according to most sources and from what we can see from in-game videos, an absolute pile of shit. The original graphics are atrocious (unaltered Poser models are unacceptable in free games, let alone retail ones), the voice-acting is worse than a House of the Dead game, and the gameplay and story seem to be unintentionally hilarious. I don't make a habit out of judging games without playing them, but some things are obvious. See for yourselves in this video which includes the intro sequence and the first 10 minutes of gameplay.

What makes my mind boggle is how this game ever managed to find a publisher. Assuming that nobody noticed how bad this game was, or perhaps that they did notice and decided it'll sell as a cult-"Oh my gods this game is unbelievably shitty"-hit, how could this game have passed whatever passes for quality control these days, when it has so obviously stolen from virtually most of the big-name games in recent years? I really can't wrap my head around that.

Whatever the truth behind this story is, we'll probably never find out since the people responsible for this mess have seemingly disappeared. I don't blame them for that, and I don't offer any sympathy for them as they deserve whatever comes to them, but I have to say I do feel kind of bad for their families. C'est la vie, I guess.

I could easily imagine that after reading all this, you'd be somewhat intrigued by Limbo of the Lost and the story behind it, if probably for the wrong reasons. I've been there, myself. Trust me when I say that life is too short to waste time and money on something as shitty as this. For that reason, here's a video of the game's ending, hopefully it'll satisfy your curiosity and you'll move on to other, more worthwhile things.



On the bright side, this catastrophe of a game release has inspired some people to get creative and give us some laughs. It ain't all bad!

In other news, I rented the new Alone in the Dark game today, and while that's been receiving some fairly bad reviews itself, I'm still looking forward to playing it. Alone in the Dark 3 will always be the definitive game of the franchise for me, though. If partly for nostalgia reasons.

TL;DR version:

Remember kids, stealing and plagiarism is bad. Especially in this era, where Internet sleuths investigate every little detail about you and your products. So do yourself a favor and don't end up like the dumbfucks responsible for Limbo of the Lost, a game worthy of ridicule and little else.

And if you're a douchebag and still decide to steal assets from other games, thus helping to give the indie scene a bad name, at least make sure your game is actually decent. Do us all a favor, or the universe will most likely assplode as a result of having two games like LoL around.

[Adventure Monday] Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice

I've never tried to hide the fact that I'm a huge fan of the Ace Attorney series. Even though it's been only two years since I played the first game, then called Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, it has become one of my favorite series in gaming, among other long-time faves such as Castlevania or the Legend of Zelda.

No small feat, to be sure, but since apparently today's post is all about honesty, I have to confess I had set my expectations rather low for the latest entry in the franchise, Apollo Justice. Not only because changing the whole cast from previous iterations is an idea that rarely, if ever, works, but also because thanks to a major fuck-up the publisher's part, the previous entry in the series, Trials and Tribulations hasn't been released in Europe yet. So basically us Europeans jumped straight to the fourth game in the series from the second one. Thanks for that, Capcom.

The following is my first impressions after having played through the first case and most of the second one in the game.



I have to say, the (almost) entirely new cast was what worried me the most at first. Aside from a couple of returning minor secondary characters, we're only treated to cameos of former protagonist Phoenix Wright, and Emma Skye, who played a central role in the fifth case of the first game.

And these characters... Nick and Emma have changed, perhaps a bit too much from the previous games. Apollo Justice takes place seven years after Trials and Tribulations and while that's enough time for a person in real life to become bitter and melancholic, but this is a game, and these are characters which were introduced as cheerful and optimistic to us. Seeing them all brooding and cynical feels a bit strange, to say the least.

As for the rest of the cast, they certainly lack the charisma of their predecessors. Apollo is funny, but lacks that special charm that Phoenix had, with his "Chords of Steel" tag-line especially making me want to bathe myself in H2S04, and while Trucy, his sidekick, is quite adorable, she feels almost a carbon-copy of Maya. They not only share a rather quirky personality, but they also share several mannerisms to the point that, at times, I could swear that the creators took Maya's sprite and repainted it as Trucy. The secondary characters are as nuts as ever, and they get the job done, but nobody really steals the show.

Naturally, since I haven't finished the game there's still a good chance I'll be pleasantly surprised by the time it's over. I won't be holding my breath about that, though. If anything, I'm still slightly worried over its writing. One case in specific really stood out to me, as the whole "mission" where you had to find 15-year old Trucy's stolen panties, with her making all sorts of awkward comments on how "My customers will be waiting to see my panties at night" and somesuch felt a little bit too much like Pedobear territory for my taste. While I did laugh at times, it was also rather embarrassing to go through. And videogames, especially good ones, really shouldn't make their audience feel embarrassed for playing them. I'm looking at you, Soulcalibur IV, with your scientifically-enhanced balloon animals, I mean female warriors.

Lastly, I can't help but think that removing an excellent character like Phoenix Wright from the spotlight of the series was a bad move. Nick had that certain something that characters like Guybrush Threepwood did. Guybrush wanted to be a pirate, in other words an adventurer, and Nick wanted to be a lawyer because he believed in truth and that it's worth fighting for it. Both things most people can and will relate to. Apollo just comes off as a scared kid who's trying his hand at something that looks cool, and the difference between the two really shows.

TL;DR version:

George is missing virtual characters from a game he played like 17 months ago, and also hopes he won't have to search for any more panties before he finishes Apollo Justice.

The game is still pretty fun mind you, despite my bitching.

P.S.

I've apparently been banned from Xbox Live, and for no apparent reason. That's great.

[TV Saturday] Daria

Since all the major TV shows have ended their run for this season, I figured I'd kick off the first TV Saturday with something a little older. Namely, MTV's Beavis and Butthead spin-off, Daria.

I'll openly admit that I hated this show when I first saw it, all the way back in 1997. I was 16 back then, visiting Athens (the only place in Greece back then that had MTV) on a short vacation and expecting to watch Beavis and Butthead, like the male teenager that I was. What I got instead was this show about a girl, with a sense of humor a lot more sophisticated than the one in Beavis and Butthead, and for that reason, a lot less interesting to my 16-year old self. When I decided to give it a second chance however (on the following day, no less), I found myself charmed by the misanthropic Miss Morgendorffer and her misadventures in teenage life.

In a sense, Daria was a defining part of the latter half of the 90's, with its strong, completely apathetic and unsocial female lead, the dry, sarcastic humor and its fairly realistic/negative depiction of school life. We may take several of these things for granted nowadays, but don't forget that back then it wasn't as common for a show to have a girl as a main character (one of the reasons it struck me as so odd the first time), and especially one as, shall we say... unusual? as Daria.

Naturally, things have moved on in the eleven years since Daria debuted, so the show doesn't have quite the same impact nowadays. In fact, it might feel a little too much by-the-numbers to a new viewer. For example, Daria is so incredibly apathetic that it might seem implausible to some, not to mention the fact that the supporting cast is for the most part made up from glorified stock characters, though this is most likely intended. After all, the show is all about its protagonist, and Daria doesn't care about them at all, why should the viewer?

More importantly, however, since Daria can seemingly never do anything wrong, it could be argued that the show overglorifies the "outsider" type of person, which has since become as much an annoying cliché as the sports jock. Not that Daria is responsible for the emo kids of today, not even remotely so. Daria is a witty misanthropist and a strong, invidivual character, and not a whiny kid overreacting about every little thing in life. I thought I should clear that up.

At any rate, Daria should be judged for what it is. A witty, inspired, just-plain-amusing cartoon back from the era when MTV wasn't afraid of promoting and supporting alternative music/shows/lifestyle in general, and less about sucking ass. While it may not have the same appeal to somebody going through their teenage years in the 00's, it's definitely worth watching for anyone who grew up in the 90's and still reminisces those years.

TL;DR version:

(Meh, I keep forgetting to add this part lately.)

Instead of reiterating what I said above, and especially for those of you who have never watched a single episode of this show, here's the first part of one of my favorite episodes from season 1, Cafe Disaffecto. See for yourselves why a show based on a misanthropist is always a good idea, and why the 90's kick the 00's('s?) sorry ass. You can find the rest in YouTube, as well.

Tales of the Bored, Episode IV: A New Hope

First of all, let me get this out of the way real quick: I'm no longer in the army. I won't post the how's and why's here as it's too public a place, but those of you genuinely interested in finding out, you know how to contact me.

Now then, out with the useless, in with the useful. I've decided to re-create this blog into something more... coherent, I think is the word.

For the past two years, Tales of the Bored has been a random collection of all kinds of stuff, from being a repository of things I like, to long-winded rants closely resembling mental diarrhea. And while at times I liked what I posted, it always bothered me that this blog lacked a defining something, a factor which sometimes prohibited me from taking the whole thing seriously.

And in those cases, my rants (not unlike this one) were pretty damn painful to read.

However! As of today, this changes. While I still like too many damn things to focus simply on one of them, I've decided to add some method to this madness. By that I mean that, from now on, each day will have its own theme, with a discussion/analysis/what have you relevant to the theme of the day. More specifically:

• Mondays will be about contemporary gaming, in general. From the X360, to the DS, to MMORPG's and so on.
• Tuesdays will be about retro and independent games. I'm a huge fan of retro gaming, so I need one day exclusively to complain about why they don't make games like "X game from the 90's" anymore, and I'm also a big supporter of the independent scene.
  
• Wednesdays' focus will be on comic books and literature in general. Where "literature" means "stuff about the 'Song of Ice and Fire' series and anything written by Neil Gaiman".
  
• Thursdays' theme will be sports, with a mockery of the Greek national football team as a recurring theme, most likely.
  
• Fridays will focus on news and stuff from the Internets. From funny videos to annoying memes and more funny videos, in other words all those useless stuff I usually post when I'm not in the mood for a real post.
• Saturdays will feature analyses of TV shows and movies in general. The reason I'm doing this on Saturdays is so that I'll have time to comment on the latest Battlestar Galactica, in case you're wondering. Which you probably aren't.
• Sundays will be a "free topic" day about whatever I feel like on that day. Which on most occasions will probably be simply nothing at all.

Does this mean that Tales of the Bored will be updated on a daily basis from now on? Weeeell. Hopefully. And that's all I'm saying. Hopefully I'll learn to be more laconic this way, if anything. But I'll try to stick to the plan, regardless.

To that effect, today's Internets-related news is about Vreel*... wait that's not working, so today's news is about... Firefox 3.0! You know Firefox already, a very reliable and pretty stable (as stable as anything can be on a PC, really) Interwebs browser, and 3.0 is the best version yet. Opera remains a pretty good alternative, but Firefox has a better name, so get to downloading it already!

*Curses, my plans, foiled! Vreel is supposed to be the new Stage6, and the beta was supposed to go live yesterday. However, besides the 404 error, right now I can only access their bulletin board. Oh well, something for next week, I guess.

TL;DR version:

George is making his New Year's resolutions a bit early this time around, and also makes lame references to popular movies. Missed me? I didn't think so.

An interlude

Why, hello there. Long time no see, etc.

I could talk about a lot of things; Obama winning the primaries after so long, the NBA finals and how a new Celtics Vs. Lakers feud could be the best thing to happen to the league since Jordan left, the new Indy movie (which is awesome, and if you didn't like it then you suck), the Lost season finale or the situation in the army and how utterly pathetic it is.

But I won't. Mainly because I don't wanna. But also because I still haven't seen the Lost season finale.

Instead, I'll do what I usually do: post a video. A video from the best episode of season 4 of Battlestar Galactica, an episode that firmly cemented BSG's place in my "Top-5 best TV shows ever" list. It's that fucking good. It's a video of a song that's playing throughout the episode, and its glum, waiful mood kinda works well with mine these days. Though I still have both my legs.

Gaeta's Lament (S04E07)
Uploaded by anna-molly

'Till later.